A Caricature

Diary of a Church Mouse

Daily Dose

From The Collected Poems, by John Betjeman

HOW TO GET ON IN SOCIETY

Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.

Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.

It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me

Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know that I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?

Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
With afternoon tea-cakes and scones.

Business Girls

Daily Dose

From Collected Poems, by John Betjeman

POSITION

"My new position such is
In halls of social fame
That many a duke and duchess
I know by Christian name"

From A Wembley Lad

Daily Dose

From English Love Poems, edited by John Betjeman and Geoffrey Taylor

AN ARGUMENT

"I've oft been told by learned friars,
That wishing and the crime are one,
And Heaven punishes desires
As much as if the deed were done.

If wishing damns us, you and I
Are damned to all our heart's content;
Come, then, at least we may enjoy
Some pleasure for our punishment!"

-- Thomas Moore

Clerihew in Laurels

JOHN BETJEMAN

Laureate, John Betjeman,
Unlike so many tetchy men,
Of equal, or higher caste and greater reputation,
Happily did TV, and yet earned the appellation.

Daily Dose

From Collected Poems, by John Betjeman

MY HEAD IS BALD

"My head is bald, my breath is bad,
Unshaven is my chin,
I have not now the joys I had
When I was young in sin."

From Late-Flowering Lust