Sunday, April 19, 2015

Top 10 Reasons Internet Lists Are Stupid

1) Lists reduce complex philosophical concepts like “the good” to dumb, even dangerously oversimplified cliché – with statements like this one.

2) Almost everyone is “most like” either Dorothy from the Wizard of OZ, or Jane Eyre.

3) Cats and dogs are largely unaware of any ongoing contest for our affections, and, moreover, cats could give a damn.

4) Everyone's favorite color is probably a primary, unless we're just being perverse and or actually love pink, in which case, congratulations, you are Barbara Cartland.

5) It doesn't matter how many of the 100 Best Books you've read if that list includes Harry Potter and you are not eleven years old.

6) No one needs a reason to call his or her mother on Mother's Day, let alone ten reasons. (Call your mother.)

7) If you have either a lease or a mortgage – or a Sugar Daddy --where you should live has already been settled for the time being.

8) Which Disney Princess you are is only relevant if and when your lawsuit for residuals or copyright infringement is actually found to have merit by a judge.

9) Which tree, cheese, compact car and or Iggy Azalea song you are does not matter as you are, in fact, not a tree, a cheese, a compact car nor an Iggy Azalea song – none of which have thumbs, or a soul.

10) No, you would not survive the coming ______ apocalypse. That is the very nature of an apocalypse.

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