EVER
"Ever since I could remember, I had feared being found wanting. If I did the work I wanted to do, it was certain not to measure up; if I pusued the people I wanted to know, I was bound to be rejected; if I made myself as attractive as I could, I would still be ordinary looking. Around such damages to the ego a shrinking psyche had formed itself: I applied myself to my work, but only grudgingly; I'd make one move toward people I liked, but never two; I wore makeup but dressed badly."
From page 130 - 131
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